Love is the Medicine

all i have ever wanted was to feel and to be loved.⁣
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this deep desire has burned within me since i was a child.

constantly searching. yearning. longing for my child self to be held with such unconditions. but my childhood container wasn’t set up to receive unconditional love the way i desperately needed. generations of neglect and abandonment have recycled throughout my ancestral lineage.

unprocessed trauma. anger. hopelessness. abuse - it continued to repeat as i was birthed into this world. ⁣
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what my little girl knows now that she didn’t know then is that my parents simply loved me the best they knew how. they, too, are humans filled with many imperfections and unhealed pasts. they avoided their healthy roles as caretakers and nurturers because they were both under the disease of their own minds. they lacked the adequate tools and skills to properly take care of themselves, as well as knowing how to take care of their children.

and yet, i know deep down inside, they simply tried their best.

and in the process of my self-healing journey, i’m being guided to grieve the loss of the parents i wish they were or even who they could “potentially” become.⁣
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they say there are five stages of grief and i’ve been in the bargaining stage for many years. walking around with blind hope that maybe one day things will be different. that maybe one day they will change and i will receive the love i always desired. but i know now that the fantasy in my mind is simply, just that - a fantasy. ⁣
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as i transition into the acceptance of truth, i know that it’s more than okay to be overcome with sadness once the illusion of desire has lifted. and frankly knowing without resisting that

the unprocessed grief is meant to be felt so it can at once, be shed and released. ⁣
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and so here i am. in my deep grief. barren and exposed and completely broken open.⁣
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and from this place, i know i have a choice to love myself the way they never could.

today and every day, i choose to give myself the opportunity to heal my trauma in the ways my parents could not heal theirs. even when it’s terribly hard, i choose to turn towards my rituals, my daily shamanic practices and tools alongside with the help of my mentors, spirit team, and my Higher Self for guidance and support. ⁣
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because when we surrender ourselves to the darkness, we are gleamed with the truth of our existence.⁣
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that even though we may not have been loved in the ways we’ve yearned for…⁣
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that love is the only medicine.⁣
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and that medicine is not hidden somewhere within another… it actually lives completely within us.
⁣

and if today you are forgetting just remember that…

we are ⁣
you are⁣
divinely loved⁣
and are ⁣
love⁣
⁣
with deep love straight from my heart to yours,

christine marie

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Are you ready to receive the shamanic tools, practices and spiritual connection that will guide you towards a life of acceptance, forgiveness and self-love? then 1:1 shamanic healing might be the support for you! Book a GIFTED Connection Call with me to learn more.